I am both, overwhelmed and flabbergasted. Reason being that the topic today is not only vast but it is, incomprehensible, infinite and relative.
Before tackling it, let’s understand that It cannot be understood as a whole. There can be perspectives of it that can be presented and looked upon. One saying goes, “who has it doesn’t value it, who doesn’t can’t find enough of it”. Don’t keep searching for the author, it is not anonymous. I just made it up!.
When we are born the only thing we need to do is to kill the time. Just make sure that we survive – of course with the outside assistance! Our time is not relative, it is inculcative. Reason is that we are not tasked. Once we grow up and start going to school, time becomes important. Get up on time, get ready, come back and so on. Later on we’re still pushed into schedule but we do understand the routine. Slowly, slowly (see, the usage of temporal adverbs! ), it is not the routine that defines our time it is the lack of it. We get accustomed to the time.
We’re always told that make use of time, be in the present, present is what we have, past is gone, future is uncertain. I wonder If there is anything as present! It is either recent past or near future. The moment I think of doing anything in present, it is gone, it is past. It’s gone like a whiff…in less than a blink.
Still, time is the most valuable asset that we have. As we are a “decaying asset”, if we don’t do what we want to, we may never be able to do it – So we think!
Are we even sure of how much of it we have? Saving in any term is a form of procrastination. Still we save. Just to use it in an uncertain future. The way I have seen things is, we either are using what someone else had saved for their future (cutting down on their present) or it is a lack of our procrastination (saving for the future).
The only thing that time carries with it is either our stories or regrets. Regrets about the people, emotions, things that we should have indulged into or the lack of them.
Consequently, the only thing in our hand is either to have stories or regrets. Choice lies with us.
One example is – you have may look stupid, irrational or banal at this point in time, but “with time” you would either regret not paying attention to it or cherish having it. My belief is that whatever you have is, is a blessing. Cherish it! As it may or you may not last. Time is passing! Remember?
I am not touching upon the time being relative or incomprehensible. As, it is a feeling. We have all experienced how difficult it is to “wait for a train” and how fast the thing that you like, like “spending time with your loved one” passes.
You may not understand my time and vice versa. Understanding time of one another requires empathy and emotional intelligence. We may have both or one or none.
As George Carlin says, “We don’t tell time, time tells us!”
Aha! Quite sure every one knows what this means. To be good for nothing or in short to be worthless.
The bigger question is why and how one becomes a mediocre. My take on take is twofolds. One, a person is actually someone who lacks ambition or the push to be anything else. Let’s say worthwhile!
Other is, he knows his worth something deep inside. He knows he is not a mediocre.
Rest of the part is about the second one, mostly. Well, boy! If you’re worthless nobody can do anything. I am sure you have heard that a lot. I am not telling you the same.
Nobody is worthless or mediocre as a matter of being. Even a pile of garbage has its worth. It is a matter of time that either someone or you realise the worth.
What if you think you’re not mediocre and they tell you that you’re?
Well! everyone has a story and no matter small or big. Phenomenal or banal. You’re the hero of that story. NOBODY can take that away from you.
But, if you’re a hero how can you be zero? It is their perspective and you cannot do anything about it. Others may think of you as hero or zero, it is ok. But, is it ok?
Hero of one’s story and zero of another’s? The captain says yes.
You seem zero as a sum because of your choices. A complacent man how talented he is, is nada(Spanish! Google it)
What can a zero do? Zero never realises it’s potential unless it finds a non-zero. That non-zero doesn’t come comes finding you. It is within.
Now the question, if it was within why couldn’t I find it earlier? NO, NO! It is not a matter of realization, it is a question of awakening. There is a chance that you can be awake but there is a good probability that it is after the sleep. Another way is someone wakes you up.
There is a Sufi story about a normal man called Mohan. He used to sleep till late, everyday. His mother would tell him all about the benefits of getting up early. Alas! He paid no heed. Once a Sufi was passing by his house. He knocked his home. His mother came and gave the alms to the saint and said that Mohan is sleeping. She lamented, “He just sleeps. Does nothing all day.”. She requested the saint to do something. The saint said, “Jisko jo karna hai kare (Let everyone do whatever they think is right.)”. His mother pleaded. The saint assured her to give it a try. The saint, while passing by the window of Mohan stopped, and said, ” Bahut hua Mohan, Jao!”.(Its enough Mohan, wake up!!”)
As the story goes, not Mohan the person but his soul awakened. He not only awoke but became enlightened.
The point in the story is, the people who called you or made you realize to be mediocre aren’t to be despised. They’re in fact to be thanked.
Who cares for anyone to call them mediocre or anything these days? In these fast moving days. People ignore.
Be thankful that you weren’t ignored. Someone had time and observance to notice you and give you feedback that you’re ‘not up to the mark’. My suggestion is to have these critics closer to you. Telling a candle that it is burning serves no purpose.
I am both indebted and grateful for all the feedback. I will try not to be “mediocre”.
Periods, chums, menses, menstruation, menstruum, catamenia, different names and of course different are the associated stigmas, dogmas, stories, and celebrations across different world cultures, religions, regions. Here is a humble attempt to explore some of them.
Menses, or menstruation comes from a root word that is related to Mene (Greek for moon) and derived from Mensis (Latin for month). This is logical as the usual chumming cycle is very close to 29.5 days for majority of females that is in turn a lunar month or cycle. There are many good reads on internet regarding the correlation or superimposition of catamenial phases over the lunar waxing and waning. The ovulation period is considered related to full moon and the menstrual phase is linked to new moon, seems logical.
“The researchers believe that light affects production of a hormone melatonin involved in regulating a woman’s monthly cycle and that a woman is most likely to conceive when the nights are at their darkest…the lack of light would have shielded amorous caveman couples from hungry predators.“
Readers are encouraged to pursue further exploration.
As of today, many societies do not discriminate legally against women based on their being in menstruum. The Supreme Court of India opened the gates of Sabarimala temple in Kerala for the women of menstruating age. This was an end to a prohibitory ritual in place for ages. More feminist outlook of the modern societies lets the women to be part of mainstream even during “those days”. The credit for that partly goes to the media and internet for opening up the horizons for the women by making them increasingly aware of the “other women with modern rights” and remaining is due to the advent and marketing of female intimate hygiene products. However, in some societies, cultures, and religions (or sects thereof), a menstruating woman is still a pariah.
It is fascinating to look at the juxtaposed realities on this matter. On one hand, there are celebrations and festivals related to menarche in the different parts of the world. Odisha has a whole four-day festival called Raja Parba. Assam and north-east Indian states have Ambubachi, Tuloni Biya or similar festivals (with different names). South Indian states have festivals like, Half Saree Festival, Manjal Neerattu Vizha, Ritusuddhi or Ritu Kala Samskara. On other hand – there are societal, religious, and familial restrictions like, seclusion, untouchability, prohibition from partaking in religious ceremonies, restriction of movement outside home et al.
Wait a minute! Are these two realities really mutually contrasting? Or have they been perceived so? Let us examine.
The festivals mentioned above have some common and prominent themes. North-Eastern states of India celebrate some days of June as menstruation period of the Earth. The Bhudevi is considered akin to a girl going through her menses (in this case yearly) and then being ready for the new crops and cultivation. The rains in this case follow (or coincide with) these festivals. Other celebrations related to the “coming-of-age” of a female are related to pleasantly announcing this to the society. The young women are welcomed into the adulthood with a rite of the passage.
The restrictions! Let us try finding some logic in them. Seclusion and restricted movement would have been suggested to give the female a-little-much–deserved break and rest from household chores. Not being allowed in kitchen is a blessing where the female would usually be an unpaid cook for the entire clan (which is a tiring job!). Not being allowed to touch pickle as it will go bad? Simple logic would be to deter the females (especially young girls) from eating tamsik and pungent food. The fact that there is a blood loss and body is weak is not at all a point of argument, I believe. Being given separate utensils and satvik food is a good break from usual “heavy to digest” food and is hygienic.
No worship and not being allowed inside the temples? When a woman is not allowed to do anything that requires physical efforts, excusing her from something “mandatory” as religious rituals is a welcome step. Logic here is that the old temples were not built randomly at any place. They usually had (still do) a hard approach – hilly terrain, steps, or narrow entrances. They were built on places of “high” natural energies. Not to mention that one needs to bow down while entering and do a dandwat pranam once inside. Consider doing this with menstrual cramps, bleeding (in the absence of sanitary items), and a weak body, both emotionally and physically! Weak body is not an apt vessel to absorb the high energy vibrations. It may not be a coincidence after all to have experienced goose bumps while some aarti or ritual is going on in a place of worship. We all might have experienced the energy fluctuation in our bodies in and around such places.
Untouchability? Imagine the situation of women in old traditional households where she must do most of the work. In her periods – when she cannot cook or do any outdoor chore – she would very easily be converted into a domestic courier person, passing on things and moving items from here to there. In that perspective, it is a good riddance to be considered a “untouchable” during chums and get some rest. The most important logic behind this practice could be an excuse to be away from “unwanted and unwelcome sexual advances”. It is not a secret that women usually would not have say (let alone consent) in sexual encounters in India (and traditionally world over as well). What is better than being an outcast while menstruating and not being obliged to “serve” the men sexually? Apparently, a small price to pay for a deserved “sexual abstinence”.
Most of the mentioned rituals end with a ceremonial bath with application of Neem, turmeric, and sandalwood paste. Neem is a natural disinfectant. Turmeric is a natural antifungal, antiallergic and antiseptic. Sandalwood is a natural aromatizing agent. An ancient form of spa after a long tiring “journey”. Seems quite apt and a blessing (in disguise may be).
To conclude, it is a beautiful and natural journey in which the body self-cleanses itself. Gives a chance (yet again) to the woman to be able to procreate. One thing that only a female can do. Given all the jokes around chums, inconsideration around Pre-Post-MS, the prohibitory rituals, bodily cramps, and emotional upheavals, menstruation is going to be here, PERIOD!
A little change in perspective and more understanding in both (especially) men and women can go a long way.
Happy chumming and celebrate your womanhood!
P.S – Raja Parba is around the corner, 15-18 June 2020. So is Ambubachi from 22-26 June. Monsoon has already knocked the doors.
Please do share your inputs/comments/feedback and experiences around the topic (or not so around as well). Connect with the FlawedOne on Instagram/Twitter/Gmail.
Scrawling this lest you forget that you are the most pulchritudinous woman in the world. I still clearly remember gawking at your glabella when you would hold me in your arms. For yonks, the most important devoir of yours comprised of crooning lullabies to me so that I could go in a deep slumber. I have always been a light sleeper and would wake up to vex you in the witching hours. Your gladdening would make me go in my dream Lalaland. In the mornings, my eyes would be full of phosphenes with your love and care. Your diegesis never failed to mention that my vagitus made you cry in happiness. I tried (a lot) not to make you cry but the globules of happiness are a whole different lot.
The flawed one. It is not an introduction it is an acceptance. The cognizance of the fact that yes, everyone is flawed and so is the Captain. Trying to hide the flaws, initially, was a feeble attempt to gain the seemingly quintessential acceptance of the society. It was a rather futile try to fit in.
